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Ubu Roi The Madman and the Nun Tumor Brainiowicz The Difference Engine The Mother The Life and Death of Tom Thumb the Great The Cataract Major Barbara Panic Drum of the Waves of Horikawa Room for Cream It Cannot be Called Our Mother but Our Graves Room for Cream Trifles Room for Cream You, My Mother, a chamber opera in two parts





"a deliciously indulgent, estrogen-fuelled romp, and one that should not be missed. Belly laughs can be hard to come by these days, but Room for Cream pours 'em on."
- GO Magazine

"naughty, sloppy, and unfailingly large-hearted"
- The Village Voice



A presentation of La MaMa and the
Dyke Division of the Two-headed Calf

Performed at The Club at La MaMa
66 East 4th Street, NYC



Season Two: February thru June 2009
(8 episodes!)

Season One: January thru June 2008
(11 episodes!)

Room for Cream is the creation of
The Dyke Division of The Two-headed Calf.
The Dyke Division is Jess Barbagallo,
Brendan Connelly, Brooke O'Harra,
Laryssa Husiak, Barbara Lanciers,
Sacha Yanow

SEASON THREE REGULARS:
Jess Barbagallo
Becca Blackwell
Donna Barkman
Jibz Cameron
Brendan Connelly
Laryssa Husiak
Cheryl Kingan
Barbara Lanciers
Greg Mehrten
Brooke O'Harra
Rosemary Quinn
Lea Robinson
Tina Shepard
Amber Valentine
Sacha Yanow

BAILEY DONOVAN
DIRE OWENS
BENNY
AGENT STEPH
PERCY
LACEY CHAMBERS
ESMERELDA
WENDY DOOLEY
WARDEN TIM
DR JANE O’BOYLE
GRACE TANNER
OFFICER ANN RUFFINS
BEA OWENS
JULIE JASPERS
PORTIA MORRISON

PAST REGULARS AND SPECIAL GUESTS:
Moe Angelos
Trisha Baga
Kate Benson
Drae Campbell
Nehessaui deGannes
Faye Driscoll
Mieke Duffly
Daphne Fitzpatrick
Ben Forester
Kevin Gay
Jill Guidera
Jonathan Mc Crory
Sharon Hayes
K8 Hardy
Nina Hoffman
Hans Kuzmich
Eliza Laytner
Natalia Leite
Georgia Lifsher
Taylor Mac
Vanessa Martinez
Mike Mikos
Nicky Paraiso
Tatiana Pavela
Katie Pyle
Elizabeth Reddin
Emily Roysdon
Heidi Schreck
Wallace Shawn
Igor Siddiqui
Laura Berlin Stinger
Maria Striar
Thomas Torres
Marisa Wallen
Casey Weaver
Kate Valk
Becky Yamamoto
DAD
COACH
ELEANOR MEEKER
SAM
ROBERTA CHARLES
MOTHER VAMPIRE
FRANCESCA BEAM
OAK
GUY 1, PRAT FALL GUY
BILL
FRANCESCA BEAM (Season1)
ALTER BOY
BIG ALICE
BRANDY ROGERS
OFFICER JILL ANDREWS
WILLOW
STRIPPER
BELLA
CAMILLA
MR TAYLOR
Chris
BILL (DEC 07)
RODGER
SISTER JOAN
DARLA
ANDREW’S (DEC 07)
JANINE
MOTHER SUPERIOR
PASCAL BEV.
TAHIRA
CADIE BOSCH
JANINE (Season 1 remount)
CITY COUNCILMAN BOB
NATASHA
DEAN STERN
ELLEN
MISAKO
Director
Brooke O'Harra
With
Barbara Lanciers
Rosemary Quinn

Music and Sound By
Brendan Connelly
With
Cheryl Kingan

Scenic Designer
Christian Brown

Costumes
Individual Actors

Associates
Eliza Laytner
Mike DeAngelis
Alexandra Tershian






Major Characters:

Bailey Donovan — Sappho's resident smart-ass and world-weary barista extraordinaire. Adopted by the original proprietors of Room for Cream, Ellie Meeker and Roberta Charles, after running away from two crazy born-again Christian parents, it took Bailey some time to learn the ropes of the idyllic Berkshires enclave she would come to call home. Gender trouble, an intense on-again/off-again relationship with high school volleyball star Francesca Beam, and anxieties about her future led Bailey down crazy paths and after some deep soul-searching, she decided to return to Florida to reconnect with family. The trip got botched pretty fast when Bailey was discovered attempting to turn a trick by Agent Steph (on vacation in Tallahassee playing in an amateur golf tournament) and the scrappy kid was returned to Sappho almost as fast as she went running south. The whole town had quite a surprise when Cream was left in her hands by surrogate mother Ellie - and an unlikely friendship quickly formed with new business partner Dire Owens. The responsibility gave unsure Bailey a new confidence and the ability to walk away from her destructive relationship with Francesca. What she does with it remains to be seen.

Dire Owens — Local handy woman and new proprietor of Room for Cream along with Bailey. Still lives at home with her mother Beatrice after fleeing the suburbs of New Jersey and a deadbeat dad. Dire had a number of run-ins with the law and briefly served time for attacking city councilperson Brandy Rogers for discrimination against the trans folk at the Bearded Goat. Dire is broken-hearted from the questionably straight filmmaker Cadie Bosch who strung her along for most of last season until she left abruptly to find herself. The last word from Ms. Bosch came in the form of a bizarre video telegram explaining that she literally tied herself to a woman for a year as part of a performance art project. Dire is left broken and dumbfounded, but comforted by her friends at the Boozy Butch.

Agent Steph (“Agent Steph”) — Hard boiled butch FBI agent and Grace’s long lost daughter. Comes to Sappho on assignment to wipe out the lesbian vampire infestation. Steph is a shoot first, ask questions later tough guy, but she is also a loyal and honest woman, despite her inability to take or get a joke. Steph softens a bit while becoming part of the Sappho community. She develops feelings for Professor O' Boyle but their differences seem to be insurmountable, despite Steph's efforts to read up on artsy film. She tells everyone she has retired from the Feds to become a stand up comedienne, although she is terrible at it. In reality Steph has not retired from the feds but is actually continuing on undercover, gathering evidence in order to arrest and capture Sappho's therapist, Benny, a lesbian activist who has been hiding out as a fugitive from justice in Sappho since the 70s. But when it is discovered that Steph is still an agent and is after Benny, Steph faces the biggest humiliation in her life and loses the faith of all the new amazing women friends she has just gained the trust of.

Dr. Jane O’Boyle — Professor Of Queer/Feminist Film studies at the University of Sappho. Although geeky and bookish and a little socially inept, this large hearted lover manages to lure the ladies. She pined away forever for the adorable police office from Season 1, officer Andrews. But when they finally got together Officer Andrews was murdered that very same night by Vampires. Jane went into a downward spiral of crazed vengeance. She lost her job and credibility. She did however kill the mother vampire (albeit temporarily) with the ash filled urn of her dead lover. Jane went on to join a convent, but then left the convent with mother superior in tow as her lover. Jane then left the Mother Superior (or vice versa) and attempted to get something going with Steph. But to no avail - Jane is a sweet smart and severely wounded lady.

Lacey Chambers — Manager of local sex-shop Progressive Pussies. She is always up for a good time, provided the environment is safe and sane. Recently ‘discovered’ for her sexual talents when her and Portia’s homemade porno videos were posted on Xtube in an attempted act of sabotage by Bella. Lacey’s additive personality sets the stages for most of her challenges whether it be pining over Dire Owens (again and again), drunkenly humiliating everyone at Room for Cream or snorting lines of a donkey’s ass. Despite her troubles, Lacey recently completed her PhD at U-Sappho and looks forward to teaching side by side her former Prof. Jane O’Boyle.

Julie Jaspers — Gender studies major at U-Sappho and student of Dr. Jane O’Boyle. A recent transplant to Sappho, Julie is a Bay Area native, but has quickly made Cream her new home, forging friendships with Grace and Ellie while privately keeping tabs on her TA, Lacey Chambers. Possesses a fondness for the trans community and likes to learn new things – specifically, role-playing and light BDSM. Friend to the folks at the Bearded Goat, Julie’s a friend and part-time lover to Goat proprietor, Oak. Something of a mystery, Julie finally closed the deal with Lacey, but had her heart broken all over again when she discovered that Lacey still harbored feelings for the elusive Dire.

Dr. Wendy Dooley ("Wendy") — Therapist and Director of the Sandra Bernhard Community Theater. Directed the locally acclaimed production of The Killing of Sister George starring Bea Owens and Francesca Beam. Through the intensity of the rehearsal process, Wendy developed romantic urges for Francesca and enlisted the help of town activist and fellow therapist Benny to help guide her through the confusion of feeling sexual impulses for a minor. When Wendy began to see Officer Ruffins as a threat to Francesca's heart, she turned her in for inappropriate behavior and got her fired from the force. The residents of Sappho soon discovered Wendy's shameful behavior and turned a cold shoulder.

Portia Morrison — Ruthlessly ambitious video artist originally from the Bay Area. Follows best friend and collaborator Cadie Bosch up to Sappho to make a documentary about The Bearded Goat. Has a brief fling with professor Jane O’Boyle based on mutual interest in feminist/queer film (and for some entertainment while up in the woods) that ends in humiliation when she is dumped for Officer Andrews. Promptly leaves Sappho after stealing the documentary footage to “save” it from Cadie’s “downward spiral’. Reluctantly returns soon after to help with the investigation of Cadie’s disappearance, this time finding a good time and sexual equal in Lacey Chambers. The two collaborate on inventive sex tapes and Portia begins to develop real feelings for her. But when Portia organizes a romantic champagne boat ride without knowing Lacey is 90days sober, a disastrously messy week-long drinking binge ensues leaving the future of their relationship unclear.

Grace Tanning ("Grace") — Grace treasurers her adventures and her friends. We know from her stories (many) that Grace met the love of her life while volunteering in Afganistan. She tried settling down, even adopting a child, but the needs of others in unstable regimes across the continents and the wilds of the world kept her on the road. Now Grace lives on her farm in Sappho, glad to be reunited with her daughter, Agent Steph. She has her mind on all the places in her past and her eyes on all the women in her future.

Officer Ann Ruffins ("Officer Ruffins") — Sappho's fearless Officer of the law. We met Officer Ruffins following the tragic death of Officer Andrews. She was initially a mystery, however, we soon discovered that Officer Ruffins lived in New Orleans, performed as a drag king, played and coached volleyball, has a poetic side, and lost a child. Officer Ruffins is handsome, strong, and committed to the code of law enforcement. She takes her job very seriously and takes a great amount of pride in serving and protecting her small town. Many attractive women in this small town have been drawn towards Officer Ruffins but she has eschewed their advances. Perhaps she is waiting for the right woman or maybe she has other secrets that have yet to be revealed.

Warden Tim (“Tim”) — Part-time warden at the local jail. A veteran of the bar scene in past decades, Tim took the warden job to stay busy in “retirement.” He loves to tell old stories of working in various gay bars including The Palladium, where he would wear leather shorts that showed off “the prettiest games in town” and have lots of sex. In 1979, he protested in the nude after the sentencing of Dan White and got beat up by the police. He’s still anti-Establishment. He likes to knit, watch TV (Logo, Three’s Company), referee lesbian softball games and drink wine coolers. He is always up for an adventure with good friends Grace, Benny and Bea Owens, whom he has known for at least 20 years. Together they play cards, smoke hash and run bingo scams at local Pflag events. Still a tenacious cruiser and shameless flirt, Tim is currently chasing young “Mikey,” who works at the Boozy Butch.

Beatrice Owens (“Bea”) — A feisty senior with a penchant for soy milk and a gift for withering asides. Mother to Dire, she moved the family to the Berkshires from the suburbs of New Jersey after dumping her no-good tough of a husband. Friend to Grace, Bea spends her retirement playing gin Rummy and complaining about Bailey’s skills behind the espresso machine. Bea suffered an attack on her way home from Cream one fateful night, but was luckily rescued by dark stranger Tahira. The attack proved a set-back for the once-unstoppable Bea and she took to hitting the bottle with Robbie and Co., while employing Cadie as a nursemaid. She took a liking to the video artist and tried her hand at matchmaking daughter Dire and Cadie.

Cadie Bosch — Brooklyn-based video artist. Was straight, she has a boyfriend back home, but started to explore her Sapphic leanings. Came to Sappho to make a documentary about the Bearded Goat, but the project was thwarted. Cadie believes she was sabotaged by former-BFF Portia. Jobless and distraught, Cadie made extra money caring for Bea and covering Bailey’s shifts at Cream. She was later kidnapped by the vampires. After a powerful dream, Cadie was inspired to jump fully into bisexuality and Dire's bones but before she jumps 100% into being 50% into women, Cadie needs to make sure she doesn't love John and leaves Dire in the lurch but also leaves Dire with a check for enough money to buy Cream.

Eleanor Meeker (“Ellie”) — Former proprietor of Room for Cream, partner of Roberta Charles and surrogate mother to Bailey Donovan. Ex-Peace Corps volunteer – primarily worked in Pakistan with best friend Grace Tanning where she fell in love with Tahira, a woman who later became a man for revolutionary purposes and now fights vampires. Upon returning to the States, Ellie took up with Sappho heartthrob Dire Owens, but eventually settled down and opened Cream with her new partner Robbie. Ellie got cold feet when Robbie proposed marriage and headed out West to find herself. She returned to Sappho decided to give up Cream to raise a baby on her own and offered Dire the chance to buy Cream.

Roberta Charles (“Robbie”) – Former proprietor of Room for Cream, partner of Ellie Meeker and surrogate mother to Bailey Donovan. Poet and spoken-word artist. Currently a member (along with a drifter fondly known as “Dad”) of the Black Knights, Berkshire County’s first and only Ebony and Ivory Black Power motorcycle club. Was kidnapped and the trauma of the event inspired a nervous breakdown and Roberta went missing briefly. The event transformed her from a mild-mannered poetess to a biker with an axe to grind. Harbors a secret desire to have children and marry, but this dream was clearly not shared by Ellie. Left Sappho after the pressure of running Cream alone after Ellie left became too much.

Officer Jill Andrews — Sappho’s recently deceased law enforcement agent known for tooling around town on her scooter and handing out jay-walking tickets. A good cop with a heart of gold, Jill’s origins were largely unknown until after her murder. Once-mistaken for being of German descent, Jill would only say she was from “the old country.” A dutiful civil servant, quiet and reserved, Jill eventually made her feelings for U-Saph professor Dr. O’Boyle known, but was mysteriously killed just 24-hours after they consummated their love. Jill was reached posthumously several times, first by a visiting medium, Paschal Beverly, and then by Ellie’s ex/mystic Tahira. The truth finally came out that Jill was the daughter of the sexy leader of a vampire coven, a figure known only as “Mother” and that she was murdered by that same dark force. Jill is greatly missed by all.

Amy Dad (“Dad”) — New-found friend to Robbie and member of the Black Knights. Kinky interior designer with a penchant for creative sex and other assorted shenanigans. Went over to Grace’s farm one afternoon to take a shower and Grace just climbed right in.

Willow — Head herder at the Bearded Goat. A transman in a LTR with rugged top Oak – they fell in love researching radical goat-herding methods in India - Willow has become a fixture at Cream, taking Bailey under his wing and teaching him the ropes. Only problem: Willow developed a more complicated set of feelings for Bailey than he originally expected. Expert crafter of homemade soft packs.



*RECAPS of Season 1 and 2 [click here...]